TAKE A CUE: I KISSED DATING GOODBYE

I have read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. The title caught my attention, so I set aside the other books I was reading then. I started by flipping through the pages, scanning and reading portions of it, before I knew it, I was already reading the book from cover to cover.

Frankly, I almost fell in love with the author, he’s the kind of guy I had in mind all these years. Precisely, the reason why I can’t force myself to quickly plunge into a romantic relationship with someone; looking and wishing that a godly man would truly make my heart stop a bit and sigh. If only all men and women have the same attitude as the author’s about romance and relationships, the world would be impeccably lived, a God-centered and godly ruled world.

Although, I find Harris' recommendations on dating a little strict, too serious and straight to the hilt, still I couldn't help agreeing to most of his insights and rationale about going deeper into dating without the so-called COMMITTED INTIMACY. Truly, this is a christian’s point of view about relationships, and though it appears to be too self righteous, I would admit the guy makes sense. His views are politically correct. Though, dating should be perceived as a joyful moment between two people attracted to one another, (in a heterosexual relationship), the author, sort of stripped the joys, the fun and thrills of dating. Picture this, if I am invited as a speaker to tackle about relationships before an audience of teen-agers and young adults as my listeners and I start proclaiming to them to avoid dating unless they’re sure they want the relationship to blossom and eventually lead to a marriage; chances are, I will be booed, thrown out and booted out of the hall or room. Harris was saying, don’t date just for the mere sake of doing it or just for the mere fun of it because you would fall into the pit of “sinful dating.” Indeed, he’s right, current times had changed the idea of dating. It has become a prelude to sexual intimacy and sexual exploration. The “getting to know you better stage” or friendship stage has been downgraded to a physical intimacy and a popular contest for conquest especially for guys. Harris has an apt term for it, "premature intimacy."

I believe dating should give one the opportunity to explore the person in and out and see whether a possible chemistry will click and lead on to something. Dating should give birth to the feeling of inexplicable joy, of being loved and respected. It should be entered into only by two god-fearing individuals who are responsible and mature. The so-called "premature intimacy" more often than not leads to pre-marital sex or an experimentation of bottled up urges. Call me a prude or old fashioned but I tend to agree with the author on this observation. Making it out or sex outside marriage must be avoided if one can. Indeed, it is the ultimate consummation of one’s feelings of love, an expression of absolute surrender to pent up physical urges. But still, for me, physical intimacy consummated under the blanket of marriage seals the union solidly. Women must regard their bodies as sacred and if men respect women they will not dare try to tamper and play with something sacred even if they’re already engaged. If people hear me say this, they will take it with a grain of salt and might say, “Excuse me, what planet did you come from, this is earth.” Exactly, this is earth and sadly we are sometimes overcome by earthly desires and concerns, the principle that giving in to the call of the flesh is gratifying. If this is everyone’s mantra, then we surely are doing God a great disservice.

Back to dating, going out to as many dates as one pleases because s/he wants to find out her/his match is a misconception too. Too many hurts and pitfalls will just pile up, making one a restless soul in search of a match longed for. Harris is trying to illustrate that one may have only dated once and eventually hit it off to marriage. Surely, if this happens, love is unravelled, a love that is pure as the author calls it and guided by God’s divinity.

Harris attributes a blissful marriage to a responsible handling and outlook of the dating phenomena. It is right to say that when two people had finally found each other and decided to get married, it is wise to look at marriage as more than just a wedding ceremony. No one can equate a grand wedding to a successful marriage, one can have a very simple one but an eternal one. I believe, the solemnity and the holiness of the matrimony (union) must be the utmost goal of every couple, that is the vow and the covenant they swear to God to preserve and abide by it according to His prescriptions.

As for single people, Harris is correct in saying that marriage is not the be-all and end all of life. It is not the finished line as he describes it. Singleness is not a punishment nor a stigma. Unfortunately, society perceives single people as a mystifying individuals, a wonderment but lonely human beings. Some regard singleness with disdain. Perhaps, it’s high time that people have an open mind to look at singleness as rather a blessing than a burden. Though, for others, singleness may be an option and a choice, some choose to wait (even if it takes forever) for the right man to come along. Waiting for the right man is a myth, a better word would be a good man or a godly man as the author calls it. For single people, especially women, they shouldn’t preoccupied themselves with getting hitched and catch the last train as the saying goes, even if they’re not ready just because their biological clocks are ticking. Getting hitched, get married and start a family is the perceived full circle life for most women, a longing and a desire that must be fulfilled. But this may not be God’s grand design for single women or unattached women.

We may not have the power to discern God’s plan for making our lives follow a different path (singleness) as opposed from the society’s norms but it is heavenly to know that God’s plan will be the best for us. If only we could practice the virtue of Patience and Submission. Patience is genius. Submission is faith. Perhaps, God wants us to focus our hearts on HIM first above anyone else. Perhaps, God intends to show us the complexity of a married life and perhaps, when the time comes that we get into that situation too, God prods us to right the wrongs and mistakes of marriage thus sparing us from further sufferings and pain. There are many perhaps that one might think of, but I believe the anxiety of some single people longing for a romantic relationship will be pacified only if they would learn to completely trust God. This trust will give them peace and joy whether they're married or not (yet) or dateless. After all, God created us to fulfill our special purpose on earth and not to insist on doing what we have programmed for our lives which are not in accord to His will.

The author's ideas on dating, courtship and marriage were focused on God. Yes, the prescriptions he enumerated were a tough act to follow. Short of saying, easier said than done, huh. He went on to the nitty gritty of dating such as the dress code, not too daring or revealing for girls, the behavior and attitude one must employ when dealing with friends of the opposite sex, etc. This book should be read by the young generation of today who might have adopted a distorted perception of dating, courtship and marriage brought about by the changing times. I guess, we should now reconsider these issues based on God’s point of view and not rely on our obscure and misconstrued ideas on the expression of love.

Harris exhorts everyone especially the youngsters to follow the rules of dating as he has prescribed, and making God first and foremost the center of the budding relationship. As I’ve said the author’s christian views on relationship is like a big and hard pill to swallow, but nevertheless, it is heartening to know that the ultimate reward gives a pure and lasting love that will never go astray.

[ A godly husband nurtures his wife, loves her, respects her and protects her.]