MARRIAGE DILEMMA

Marriage is an ultimate dream for some women. The plunge into the fear of the unknown is overtaken by the pure joy of being united permanently and officially to the person so loved. The couple builds a future together and finds strength in the love they both profess. The honeymoon stage kept the fire of love intense and overly romantic. For how long love remains in the air, only time will tell.

Marriage is sacred. The couple’s vow to remain faithful to each other is a tough act to follow. In marriage ceremonies, we usually hear these words heartily spoken by two people in love, “for richer and for poorer, till death do us part”. This is a covenant with God entered into by the couple promising to love until their last breath on earth. The Bible teaches “what God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” Further, as christians, we believe that God commanded that a husband loves his wife and in return the wife must submit to the husband. Quite tellingly, God’s commandment must be obeyed to the core of the soul if the couple wants a lasting and blissful life together.

But if the marriage vow is broken by a plethora of reasons, does God’s forgiveness at hand? Will He allow exemptions? How does He view annulment, divorce, legal separation and families that had gone apart?

Cases in point:

Case 1. THE HOPELESS GUY

The wife is in her early 40’s with 3 children. She has been married to a man who abhors work. They have been living with the parents of the guy. The parents in-law are the ones providing for the needs of their children. The guy is a sloth, in the truest sense of the word, no work, uses drugs, a drunkard, gambler, a philanderer who’s fond of ill-repute women. Name all the vices and he has it. He has sired 3 children with one of the bar girls he met. On the other hand, the wife has no work and for 15 years or so, has put up with his devilish ways. She and her children literally lived in hell. The parents of the guy pleaded that she remain faithful with him, out of pity and love for the parents in-law, she did, though she doesn’t see any hope that his man will change. Perhaps, sensing that she has been abused for such a long time, told herself, enough is enough. One day, she took a job at the call center firm and did well. She packed her bags and brought her 3 children with her, left her husband without telling where they will be staying. Now, she admitted, she has found peace. Could she stand by her decision ?

Case 2. THE SPINELESS HUSBAND

The wife is holding a managerial position in a big company while the husband is an office clerk in one of the banks in Makati. Wife discovered that husband had an affair with an officemate. Quarrel ensued, and husband decided to resign from his job. He had been applying for a job since then. Wife said, her husband does not have the guts and the “diskarte” needed to find another job. After successive failures in finding one, he opted to become a houseband, to the wife’s consternation.. There was a role reversal, she had become the sole provider. For years, husband remained in the house and looked after their growing daughter. A doting father that he was but a man who lack balls to look for a job and help out in their finances. The marital frustration of the wife put a strain in her work. She was always stressed, suffered depression and was extremely disappointed with her husband’s inability to find work. Worst, her husband constantly nagged her about her coming home late which came to a point that he accused her of having an affair with an officemate. The husband was spineless, did not have the drive to uplift the family’s situation. According to her, her body, mind and spirit are tired. She found solace through a male officemate and before she realized it she was falling for this man, also a married guy. She was almost at the verge of jumping into an illicit affair with him. Years had passed, husband finally found a work as a driver. Wife resigned from her hectic managerial job and settled for a lesser stressful job. She left her high paying job and worked as a call center agent. Were those major decisions her way of ironing out the mess in her marital life to keep the marriage intact? Perhaps, the friction had been temporarily resolved, but was she completely happy?

Case 3. THE VIOLENT TYPE

She eloped with him and foregone the opportunity to finish her studies in college, all because love prevailed over her. She lived with her in-laws and that begun her life in torment. She was physically, emotionally and psychologically abused by her rogue husband. The mother-in-law was a monster-in law in reality. The suffering she endured with her husband’s physical abuse and the mother in-law’s maltreatment of her crushed her self-worth. She stood by her man hoping that the beatings would stop. When she gave birth to a baby girl, the mother in-law took full custody of the child and completely detached the poor infant from her mother. She took it all in meek surrender. She never had the courage to fight for her baby that was rightfully hers. Until the birth of her second baby, a boy. Her sister who knew how much she had suffered from the hands of her husband’s family, took her away and the baby boy. The young girl barely a year old then was totally left under the care of the mother in-law. Now, she considers herself a single parent of a fine young man. Her daughter who grew up with her husband and mother in-law is a disturbed and a love deprived person. The daughter’s life with her father’s family was hellish. She has three children from different men.

The mother’s hatred and suppressed bile for years of misery from her husband’s family had assumed an identity in the person of her daughter who had gone astray. For her, the daughter has been long dead and only a reminder of an ugly and painful part of her life.

These are just some stories of marital conflicts, marriage woes and untold sufferings of women who have dreamt of living and sharing a life with a man they thought they knew so well.

Not all marriages are made in heaven. How enviable those women who are blissfully and happily attached to their husbands until their advanced years. But, how many women/wives stood for their husbands despite their deficiencies and glaring character flaws?

Can we fault women and wives if they take a stand by building their shattered dignity again by leaving their husbands who had never loved, respected and protected them?

God said, what he has joined together let no man put asunder. Is this a strict commandment? I think not. It is only our frailties which destroy us and eventually ruin relationships. Our concept of marriage had become superficial, had become a fad, a badge of “honor” that one has found a partner but in truth, marriage is more than that.